Posted on by Brianna Ulasi

For the mom who feels unseen

This day may carry a lot of joy for you. To others, it may be just an ordinary day. For some though, this day holds disappointment. It’s more of that mom I’m speaking to since I am her more often than not. But regardless, there can be times in motherhood that feel lonely and overlooked. If you resonate with that, I want to say a few things to you…

I wish I could say, I see you.

The way you care for your little one, prepared for every possible outcome, even the one that you mistakenly forgot and how frustrating that feels.

The way your eyes light up when you talk about your child’s most recent stage, or the way that your little one’s does when they look to you.

Even with the flash of darting eyes, wondering what danger your baby is about to get into, you stay alert, on guard, ready to swoop in at any moment. Protector.

Chasing after your child, trying to be mindful of your surroundings, tending to them, making it nearly impossible to be present.

When people address your child more than they do you.

The way you bend your back over, literally, picking up food chucked onto the floor after hours spent planning a meal for your family to enjoy.

The wrestles for a clean diaper, a clean onesie, a clean nose, whatever the case may be… or how about every time you try to do something for your child’s good only to be met with kicking and screaming.

Longing for connection with your husband after a long day. A long season. When you’ve tried to communicate your needs to him and you feel like he missed you… again. Or perhaps, that you’ve missed him.

When people overstep their boundaries and continually disregard how you parent.

When you’ve spent all day in the house caring for others, not having any time to yourself, and if one more person asks you something, you’re gonna POP!

The moments you’re unsure of yourself, why you’re here, what your purpose is.

When you do the same things for your family day in and day out and it feels like you’re wasting time because who really sees this?

As you feel abandoned when your kids get older, rushing to experience life on their own… and as they grow and flee the nest, the mixed feelings that come along with it: Relief? Joy? Sadness?

When new family members come and you feel forgotten, left aside, even after all those years of pouring yourself into your little one, nurturing and tending to their every need.

The way you selflessly give and give of yourself with no recognition, appreciation or gratitude… even with no one to pour back into you.

I wish I could say, I see you, but I know there are many moments that often go unseen and there’s no way for me to know all that you go through.

There is someone who does though.

In Genesis 16, there is a woman named Hagar who feels abandoned, mistreated, abused, and alone. Upon hearing her affliction, an angel of the Lord appears to Hagar. I’d like to note that the angel appeared to her “by a spring of water in the wilderness.” (verse 7)

God commands her to return to those who have mistreated her, but with renewed promise and purpose. Hagar gives God the name, El Roi, “The God Who Sees” because he saw her in her brokenness and looked after her.

The Lord refreshed her in a dry and weary place (returning back to verse 7). This account looks nearly identical to Jesus revealing himself to the woman at the well as the “source of living water.” (John 4)

So dear mama, between me and you, I hope we take hold today of the God who sees us. May we not get lost in the false promises of joy that society tries to push with cards and flowers. May we not have a contemptuous spirit towards those who we feel overlooked by.

May we keep running to the one who is the true source of strength and refreshment, our living water, as we learn to mother from a place of grace and trust in Him. Let our children, no matter what stage of life, encounter the grace of our good God as they witness their mother depending on Him in faith.

This is hard work.

This is holy work.

But He’s got you.

—

I feel like I heard the following from the Lord one day after asking him what the purpose of motherhood was…

You’ve been given the privilege of raising up this tiny human and introducing them to this beautiful, wondrous, terrifying world. The way you sit day in and day out with your littles may not be noticeable now, but as they grow in independence and relate to others, you will see the fruit of a life marked by love.

Even when your children grow up and may not do things you agree with, that doesn’t mean you failed. You are shaping and molding this young one into someone who will be a gift to others in ways that God has created them… someone who is hilarious, someone who is a nurturer, someone who is creative-minded or an inclusive person.

It all bears the image of the one who has created you and who has created the children he’s gifted you with. I know it seems hard right now, but you are not alone. Whatever season you’re in, there is a purpose. He sees you and he cares for you. He loves you and wants you to know his love.

Posted on by Brianna Ulasi

How’s motherhood?

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted on here, or even had the time to write leisurely. Still, I’ve been yearning to get back to this somehow, so hoping to make a few consistent posts in May because 1) as I reflected on old posts, I realized how important it is to express oneself… to have a healthy outlet to dissect the millions of thoughts and emotions that one encounters in a day. Also, 2) May is “mental health awareness month” here in America with a lot of content also geared towards mothers, so I’d love to share a few posts about my brief journey in motherhood thus far and the implications it has had on my mental health, too. Win-win!

I’m hesitant because this means there needs to be a level of honesty and vulnerability that I’m not sure I want to invite everybody into. It seems mothers are quick to be bashed for not rejoicing in every aspect of their lives all of the time. Nonetheless, I am always willing to share my story because I care about the realness – the rawness – behind our day-to-day lives and hope that sharing can offer glimpses of hope unto the one who gives me hope throughout the long days.

So, where to begin?

Most people are well aware of my personal life, but for those who may not be, we’ve had a healthy baby girl (Judah) since the loss of our son, Joshua. With mental health being a topic for the month, I’d love to talk about our process of coping with grief in a future post especially when it came to trying for more children.    

But the [loaded] question begs, “How’s motherhood going? What’s it like?”

I wish I could adequately describe motherhood. I’d like to believe there is something that biologically changes in a woman once she gives birth and continues to care for her baby. Some people describe birth even as a spiritual birth of sorts, an “awakening” or transformation into a new woman entirely.

I’m not sure about all that, but I know, for me, it’s like my heart expanded a thousand times more once I held my daughter for the first time. There was so much love for this tiny being that I had never even met, and even with all the newness, it felt like she was always a part of our lives. It was hard to imagine that I now had a child, but it was also hard to imagine ever being without her.

Some parts feel natural and others not so much. On one hand, it felt natural to attend to her every cry and hold her until she was comforted. Or even to co-sleep with her because I felt like I was the safest place she could be. On the other, it was harder to give up my sleep on many nights or even a clean house in the name of exploration.

It is a constant dying to self and not many can take that. Why would death be easy? There’s a reason why many people today don’t care to get married or have children. People see it as giving up your life. And there’s truth to that, for sure. In a way, it really is transformation into a new person.

I’m learning though that the more I try to hold onto my ways, preferences or plans, the less happy I am. But the more I let go of my expectations, or whatever else, for what the Lord has for me in the moment, the more I experience joy. “Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.” (Luke 17:33)

It takes surrendering of my own will in exchange for God’s. And when I do, he undoubtedly gives me peace.

Motherhood is beautiful. Humbling. Rewarding and yet so tiring. One of my favorite sayings is, “Motherhood is hard and holy work.” That’s certainly true. My latest prayer has been asking the Lord to show me his purpose for motherhood… I imagine it’s being transformed into the image of Christ, but on my not-so-great days, it’s hard for me to see.

Currently, we’re in the throes of toddlerhood which is a whirlwind. I thought I was a decent mom… until this stage hit.

These days, there’s a mixture of having so many joy-filled moments and then the next I’m faced with my shortcomings: impatience, lack of grace, you name it. Toddlerhood can be immensely frustrating because you either a) don’t know what your child wants or b) know what they need but they fight you on it. Apparently, my husband can take this in stride, but I’m not so graceful, I guess.

Our daughter has been an absolute GIFT… but ever since she’s been developing her own will, often in defiance of mine, I feel myself trying not to pull my hair out – especially when people offer no helpful advice but to “just be grateful,” or worse, brush off my feelings of frustration entirely.

And then there’s the struggle when people do want to step in and help, yet my daughter is just crying out for me, and I want to run to her rescue because why wouldn’t I want to comfort my child? It’s an internal wrestle, for sure.

There is so much more I can say… but again, I hope to share a few more posts throughout May to continue sharing the raw, real side of motherhood. This is certainly wishful thinking since the three times I’ve tried to type this so far, Judah 1) ran right up to the laptop to start banging on the keyboard 2) woke up early from her nap and waddled straight to me and lastly 3) should have been knocked out from the day but woke up crying from the pain of teething (isn’t it always teething?!).

So, before I try to perfect everything or overthink this post to death, I’ll wrap this up so I can at least share a brief life update since our loss and how we’re doing. Lord willing, there will be more to come.


Thanks for reading!